I previously announced I was "Back". Back to working on my novel after three weeks of picking up the pieces of my shattered confidence. Back in the swing of things.
That's not entirely true, not yet anyway. The last two days I have looked at my desk or thought about writing and felt a twinge of deep rooted horror. And stepped away.
The source: a disastrous two hours of writing that occurred about two weeks ago, during my "Down" period. For two hours, I worked on my synopsis, encouraged by a second chance received from the agent who selected me in the Dragons' Pen at Harrogate Festival. She had critiqued my first attempt as part of the event, concluding that my work wasn't up to scratch, but kindly allowed me to submit a second effort.
Two hours, I sat there. Two hours working on my synopsis. Two hours and going no where.
My problem: I was stuck on the opening sentence. Everything I tried didn't work for various reasons: too vague; too wordy; inaccurate; or just plain rubbish. There was no happy ending either. After the two hours of pulling my hair out writing sentences and deleting them just as quickly, I gave up. And haven't been back since.
The horror of that late afternoon two weeks ago has stuck with me, making it difficult to return to my study and the blank page.
It's time to take my own advice, which is as follows:
In these circumstances, you just have to accept that you're in a bad place with your writing. Accept it and get on with it. The only way out is to write your way out. Keep tapping away, keep deleting the rubbish, and keep trying to get it right. There's no other way.
So tonight, without preamble or forethought, I am booting up the old Dell and starting my journey Back on that rollercoaster ride to publication.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
not far canard
Just back from five glorious days in the French countryside based in a little town where my friends Tam and Franck live, near Saint Gery. They were the perfect hosts, serving up unbelievable regional meals on the Aussie barbeque, taking us on enjoyable activities such as kayaking on The Lot, and creating a truly relaxing experience - sun, sleep, eating and drinking. They made it super easy to enjoy the holiday - thanks guys!
As well as the memories, I brought back three packages of the lush Saint Albray cheese, a jar of Maistres Occitans foie gras de canard, and a big tin of duck. A 1.3kg tin of duck.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
just finished reading . . .
My first Japanese crime novel and it wasn't too bad, although some sections of the novel dragged. More comments and discussion over at the BTZ Book Club here. Beware of Spoilers though.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Up and Down and Back Again
UP : I experienced an almighty high during the Theakston's Crime Writing Festival last month. It wasn't just the usual buzz from meeting my favourite authors, catching up with old and new friends, or revelling in the excitement that permeates Harrogate each year.
No, this high came from a successful Dragons' Pen experience. I stood up in front of 40 other students, a dozen authors and of course, the Dragons (two agents, one publisher and an editor) and pitched my novel. It went well, with both agents and the publisher putting their hand up for more. I was first to pitch and the only one to bag interest from both agents - result. The rest of the festival, I floated a foot off the ground, smiling from ear to ear.
DOWN: The following Monday, I fine tuned my synopsis and first chapter, then, holding my breath, I sent it off to my chosen agent and the publisher.
A week later, I received comments. I would be lying if I didn't say I expected glowing praise and a three book deal. Honestly, I think most people would. No one has read my novel yet (it's not complete) but I think its good and the pitch went well, so I was quite positive. Until someone tells you differently, you always think you are a star performer.
The comments that came back were constructive but mainly of the "needs improvement" variety. The critiques were professional and forthright (which I appreciate) but they did cut deep to the bone. There weren't too many positive statements that I could hang my hat on.
There is a horrible feeling when someone reads your book for the first time and doesn't like it or thinks it doesn't work. You shiver; you feel sick. It's worse when you haven't even finished. Output dries up; inspiration goes walkabout. As much as you believe you are the star performer, part of you also thinks your work is a steaming pile of crap. If the latter is reinforced, even subtly, the world comes crashing down. To progress, you need to find something to pull you up.
BACK AGAIN: I've been given a second chance, another go. The agent will look at a second attempt at the synopsis, as long as it is my best work. This brings with it even more anxiety -what if the second attempt is no better? Could I bounce back from that? But what pushes all of that down is the fact that I have been given a great opportunity to show what I can do and a chance to impress.
And that is enough to pull me back to the computer and start writing again . . .
No, this high came from a successful Dragons' Pen experience. I stood up in front of 40 other students, a dozen authors and of course, the Dragons (two agents, one publisher and an editor) and pitched my novel. It went well, with both agents and the publisher putting their hand up for more. I was first to pitch and the only one to bag interest from both agents - result. The rest of the festival, I floated a foot off the ground, smiling from ear to ear.
DOWN: The following Monday, I fine tuned my synopsis and first chapter, then, holding my breath, I sent it off to my chosen agent and the publisher.
A week later, I received comments. I would be lying if I didn't say I expected glowing praise and a three book deal. Honestly, I think most people would. No one has read my novel yet (it's not complete) but I think its good and the pitch went well, so I was quite positive. Until someone tells you differently, you always think you are a star performer.
The comments that came back were constructive but mainly of the "needs improvement" variety. The critiques were professional and forthright (which I appreciate) but they did cut deep to the bone. There weren't too many positive statements that I could hang my hat on.
There is a horrible feeling when someone reads your book for the first time and doesn't like it or thinks it doesn't work. You shiver; you feel sick. It's worse when you haven't even finished. Output dries up; inspiration goes walkabout. As much as you believe you are the star performer, part of you also thinks your work is a steaming pile of crap. If the latter is reinforced, even subtly, the world comes crashing down. To progress, you need to find something to pull you up.
BACK AGAIN: I've been given a second chance, another go. The agent will look at a second attempt at the synopsis, as long as it is my best work. This brings with it even more anxiety -what if the second attempt is no better? Could I bounce back from that? But what pushes all of that down is the fact that I have been given a great opportunity to show what I can do and a chance to impress.
And that is enough to pull me back to the computer and start writing again . . .
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